One night at dinner mom or dad (or both) suddenly announce they want to sell the family home. Once children reach a certain age and begin moving out many family homes become too much for the aging parents. Theres a very empty home with a lot of upkeep and no extra hands.
Now comes the kicker they want your help! Many people face this moment feeling a wide variety of emotions. The word home means something. The memories of dancing to the Beetles, finger painting on the walls, and getting cooled down by the garden hose in summer still linger in your mind. The impact of effectively packing up those memories with little ceremony seems distasteful.
Going thru the Attic:
First off, realize that this situation is nothing new particularly in our very mobile society. You need to pace this endeavor in such a way that works for everyone. After all you have decades of stuff that has to be sorted. That alone isnt a fast or easy task, and needs to be handled with sensitivity. Some items will be sold (as your parents are likely scaling back to a much smaller residence). Some might be gifted to you, other siblings, extended family members and friends. Others still might go out for a yard sale, or be gifted to charity. Where everything ends up is up to your folks (with likely some input from you), but try to really listen. This is one of the most difficult aspects of selling the family home. Note that if there are some items that prove difficult to decide about, you can always consider a small storage facility until you (or your parents) are ready to figure out what best to do with Aunt Mays sideboard (for example).
The New Living Space
Once the sorting process is completed the next best step psychologically is to begin moving your folks into their new space. You can transport the tried-n-true familiar items so that the new house feels welcoming (yes, even that beat up chair.. in fact that may be one of the most important items to move right away!).
Beyond getting mom and dad settled and comfortable, moving them out before the family house sells has another advantage. They (and you) will not be subjected to strangers tramping through the house and criticizing every nook and cranny. From the potential buyers perspective this also gives them a more open house that doesnt have other peoples personal items everywhere. This allows the buyer to really picture themselves in the home and may move your family house along nicely.
Children and Selling a Family Home
Even when children are grown and in college some may have a very negative reaction to the idea of selling the family home. When they come back to visit, its no longer home to their mind. In this case its very important that everyone involved sit down and talk things through (even by telephone, but in person is better). Understanding the reasons for the move is vital emotionally. Also if the child has personal belongings still in the family home, they should have a say in what happens to those items.
If mom and dad are moving out of the area the scenario gets even more difficult. Now not only are children coming to a completely strange home, but also a town where theres no other friends or family. It leaves them out of sorts and with a sense of abandonment that can impair relationships if not handled delicately. The comfort zone is gone.
Use Your Words
Overall psychologically good communication seems to be the key to making the process of selling a family home go more smoothly. Recognize from the outset that there are going to be uncomfortable moments throughout the ordeal. Be ready to laugh, cry, feel anxious or frustrated, and generally get a bit stressed out. This is perfectly normal. Find a coping mechanism (exercise helps) and just keep those lines of communication open.
Family Home Sales due to Death
A death in the family can make selling the family home even more of an emotional whirlwind. Did you know that if a person dies at home you may have to disclose this information to potential buyers? Check the laws in your area.
Because the house is likely to be unattended for a while as legal issues work themselves out, you will want to get new locks on the family home and forward the mail to you or the estate executor. This helps safeguard the home from thieves who watch for mail to pile up as a sign that theres easy entry.
When youre cleaning out the home, take care to set aside important documentation like insurance declarations, bank statements, and bills. Youll need all of this to properly wrap up the estates holdings. Also keep anything that has personal information on it that could be used for identity theft (yes, this even happens after death). Once youre certain you have all of these types of documents, then you can move forward and prepare the house for sale as you might any other home.
Get a Realtor
When everyone is on the same page, and knows whats coming then you can start looking for a real estate agent who has experience in this type of sale. There are real estate companies and lawyers who specialize in estates, and theyre well worth a look. Having such a person gives you a little more emotional distance from the sense of loss that often accompanies every family house showing. Youll also know that the ins-and-outs of all the associated family paperwork will be handled correctly by experienced hands.
Best wishes, and look toward the future knowing your mom and/or dad will be situation in a home that far better suits their needs well into their elder years,and that you've handled your family's home with loving care.
